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PITA
(Pain in the Ass)
Several years ago I purchased a wonderful, darling, exhuberant, "God
created the world for me," Bouv puppy. I had been stung before so I flew
to see him to make sure that he was exactly what I wanted. Well, he was
quite sure that I was exactly what he wanted. He piled up in my lap, ran
all the others away, & growled at his former owner when he tried to take
him from me to get him ready for his flight to his new home in Texas. He
knew that he had just found a soft touch. And, I didn't, couldn't know
what a joy & PITA he was going to be.
The first day that I had to go to work I felt sorry for him. He was only 3
mo. old & couldn't stay in a crate. So, I left him in the bathroom. My
bathroom is 9 X 12. Lots of room for a puppy to explore. He tore the
shower curtain down, peeled the paper off the wall, pulled the towels off
the racks & shreaded them. My husband was not very happy. Oh, well.
Things rocked along as well as could be expected. We went to classes. The
last one was when the instructor asked me to hang him so that I could get
control of him. I had perfect control of him. He hung on my every word,
arm, leg, & whatever part of me that he could get in his mouth. Why, people
even asked me if my husband abused me. Not hardly, only the puppy. The
very idea of an instructor (an AKC judge) telling me that I couldn't
control this now 6 mo old puppy.
He grew up in body, not much changed in his mind tho, & got his
championship. We went to every Specialty & even to Westminster twice. I
couldn't get the suitcases out of the closet without him getting excited.
Had to slow down when my VISA filled up. I decided that he needed a
cheaper challenge. ( Or me) We did a little schutzhund, obedience, &
tracking. He really loved tracking. I think it was because he knew how
much hell it put me through to get up before dawn & have him lead me down
God knows what path. He actually put two of my husbands friends out of the
house. They came in unannounced & he did his job. He really enjoyed that,
too.
My husband really liked to spend a lot of time bending his elbow & a lot of
ears at the local tavern. He stumbled in very late one night & bedded down
in his usual comfy spot on the couch. He never bothered to put of pj's or
take off any clothes. He only removed his dentures. This time they wound
up of the coffee table. At least they stayed there for the rest of the
night. As I was brushing my teeth (which are all mine) the next morning I
heard an awful CRUNCH! Somehow I instantly recognized the sound that I
never will forget. Have you ever seen a Bouvier with a mouth full of human
false teeth? It is hilarious. But I didn't dare laugh because the
situation became very serious very fast. I thought that I dug every last
one out of his mouth & carefully laid them on the bar along with a fresh
tube of Super Glue. There was no sense of humor in my house that morning.
Musta been the "morning after the night before" or the"hair of the dog"
syndrome at work. I was staunchly given an untimatium as the nutty Bouv
was still picking teeth out of his teeth. "Either that SOB goes or I go"
My God who would have thought that at that hour of the morning, before
dawn, before work, I would have had to pack all his clothes and pieces of
dentures. Good thing I had lots of large black garbage bags. I kept the
Super Glue. He was on his own.
I still have the PITA. We have had many misadventures. He is almost 9
now & the love of my life. He has always been there when I've needed him. Sometimes a little too enthusiastic, but I wouldn't have him any other
way.
I can't imagine anyone being stupid enough to make me choose between him &
my dogs. I can't imagine life without my Bouviers.
My ex-husband had no sense of humor.
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